How to Cope With Loneliness in the Netherlands: What Actually Helps

Loneliness isn’t the same as being alone.

Loneliness itself is something healthy, according to Dr. Corine Dijk, Assistant Professor of Clinical Psychology at the University of Amsterdam. “Think of it as hunger, a signal that nudges you into action,” she says. It’s not evidence that something is wrong with you.

As Eén tegen eenzaamheid puts it, loneliness isn’t the same as being alone, even though the two can overlap. Lacking social contact, or being completely alone, is called social isolation. Loneliness, on the other hand, is the subjective, unwanted gap between the connections you have and the connections you want.

In my last essay, I wrote about what loneliness actually is and why it happens. This one is about what to actually do about it.

The work is easier than you think.

It’s tempting to think the fix to loneliness is a complete social overhaul, quickly joining five different clubs, messaging everyone you’ve ever known, and saying yes to every invitation this month. Researchers De Jong-Gierveld and Fokkema, whose model is described in Movisie’s prevention research, frame overcoming loneliness as a gradual process. It starts with becoming aware of what’s missing, then building the conditions to change it, then taking action and adjusting as you go. There’s no single fix you can apply all at once.

The Dutch government’s own guidance on what to do if you feel lonely starts just as small. “Make a list of contacts you’ve lost touch with and reach out to one of them,” they suggest. Our old friends are often very happy to hear from us. If there’s someone in your life you trust, you can always reach out to them and ask for help. People are often glad to do something for someone else.

If you don’t have anyone in your life at this moment, maybe my guide on how to make friends in Leeuwarden can help on that journey.

Pay attention to the habits underneath the feeling.

Loneliness doesn’t exist in isolation from the rest of your health. Eén tegen eenzaamheid compares having no or a very small social network to smoking fifteen cigarettes a day. Movisie’s research links prolonged loneliness to sleep problems, unhealthy eating, and reduced physical activity.

Sleep in particular is worth taking seriously on its own terms. None of this fixes loneliness on its own, but trying to address it while running on too little sleep and no routine makes everything harder than it needs to be. Everything is connected, and you can’t neglect one without something else suffering.

Be patient with yourself.

Loneliness has a way of turning inward and becoming self-criticism, why can’t I just make friends, what’s wrong with me. As Dr. Dijk puts it, “When loneliness lasts too long, a vicious cycle will develop. You start having negative thoughts about yourself.” She’s also careful to add that “loneliness isn’t something you must solve entirely on your own, it’s a shared responsibility.” That reframe matters. The goal isn’t to never feel lonely again, it’s to stop treating the feeling itself as evidence that something is wrong with you.

When it’s bigger than tips.

Sometimes getting out and trying these things isn’t enough on its own, and that’s not a failure, it’s just a sign you need more structured support than a list of tips can offer. Eén tegen eenzaamheid connects people across the Netherlands with real, professional support, and De Luisterlijn is available 24/7 at 088 07 67 000 if you need to talk to someone right now. And if what you need is less about crisis and more about steady, consistent progress, that’s exactly where coaching comes in.

How Empowered Connections Coaching can help.

This is the part I actually specialize in: not one-off advice, but working through this with you step by step. We’ll use the G.R.O.W. model to turn these ideas into an actual plan, starting from wherever you are right now, not where you think you should already be. Schedule a free consultation, and let’s figure out what your first small step actually looks like.